


The Test

by SunMoonAndSpoon



Category: Naruto
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Babies, Gen, Orphans, Transformation, character transformed into a baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-27
Updated: 2014-01-27
Packaged: 2018-01-10 07:00:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1156543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunMoonAndSpoon/pseuds/SunMoonAndSpoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kakashi somehow transforms into a baby, and it's up to Team 7 to change him back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Test

**Author's Note:**

  * For [asadcandle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/asadcandle/gifts).



> Transforming into a baby is apparently a common thing in the Naruto fandom, so I thought I'd try my own spin on things. This story isn't so much about wacky hijinks as it is about pee and what noises animals make—I've spent a lot of time working with small children and playing with my own young relatives, so it's hard for me to do it any other way. It's also about Naruto's complicated feelings about being an orphan, which are brought out by caring for a baby.
> 
> This is a gift for my sister, Baxaronn. Merry Late Christmas, dunkass.

There's a puff of smoke, and suddenly Kakashi is gone. 

This isn't surprising. You know Kakashi can do all kinds of cool stuff, and teleporting is definitely cool. You stand nodding with your arms crossed, impressed with Kakashi, hoping he'll teach you how when he comes back. Sasuke and Sakura are peering in with twitching eyebrows. “Where'd he go?” says Sakura, looking at the sky, the ground, through tree branches and out to the lake. Sasuke shrugs, sticks his head out the window. You sigh loudly, unable to believe how stupid your teammates are. His hands were moving, this is obviously a jutsu, what are they so confused about? Aren't they supposed to be smarter than you? Guess not.

“Guys, he obviously teleported,” you say. “When he comes back, he's probably going to show us how to teleport too.” 

“Without his clothes?!” snaps Sasuke, pointing to a crumpled ninja uniform on the dusty ground . “Yeah, that's brilliant, you're right, Kakashi, teleported away stark naked, and he's prancing around in front of the third hokage with his junk hanging out, right now!” Sakura's face flushes as pink as her hair, and you yell at Sasuke not to talk about Kakashi's junk in front of Sakura. 

Then, there's a noise that you can't quite place. It's a high-pitched, mewing, grating noise, like the...well, whatever it is, it's annoying. Then it hits you, it's a baby, crying! Where is it coming from? You don't know, but within seconds Sakura's picking apart Kakashi's clothes. The squall gets louder. A shirt is peeled away to reveal a red-faced, milky-eyed, potbellied child, with a shock of grey hair and no clothing to speak of. “Is...is that Kakashi-sensei?” you ask tentatively. “Uh...Sasuke, is this a genjutsu?” You tap the ridge of your brow, indicating your eyes and therefore Sasuke's. You don't like admitting that Sasuke can figure something out that you can't, but he physically, actually possesses a sharingan, and you don't, so... 

“No, it's not,” says Sasuke. “I think he literally became a baby. Sakura, pick him up or something. I'm not good with babies.” 

“And you think I am? I'm an only child, I have no experience with babies!” Sasuke snaps that he had a sibling, but his sibling is older so he never knew him when he was a baby, and anyway he murdered Sasuke's entire family so he's not even worth mentioning, goddamn it. You yell at Sasuke for yelling at Sakura, and then she scoops up the writhing, screaming child by the waist.

“I guess we should find some diapers or something,” says Sakura, poking him in his fat, tear-stained cheek. 

“Um, Sakura-chan, don't you think we should worry about turning him back into an adult instead?” You know that this doesn't make any sense, but you don't want to deal with diapers. 

“Oh, great idea Naruto, let's just do that, let's completely ignore the fact that he's a baby right now. You're right, if we just focus on making him not a baby, he won't piss himself or anything like that.” Sakura rolls her eyes, then mumbles something to Sasuke about how stupid you are. Thankfully, Sasuke doesn't reply. 

You roll your lips inward, cross your arms. “Fine then, we'll get diapers. Where do we get diapers though? Is there like baby store or something?” 

 

“I don't know. For now, let's just use his shirt. I think I can figure out how to tie it into a makeshift diaper.” You pluck the shirt from the pile and hand it to Sakura. Kakashi is screaming and thrashing in her arms, hitting Sakura in the shoulder and straight across the face. You hold his arms still while Sakura ties the shirt around his legs. He kicks her, and scratches your hand. You wouldn't think such tiny nails would hurt so much, but they do, so you yelp, loud. Sasuke chuckles about you getting beat up by a baby, and you threaten to beat him with the baby. Then, Sakura nearly drops Kakashi, and you have to dive to catch him. His screams are now desperate wails. “He peed on me!” shouts Sakura. “Ugh, gross. He got it on the shirt, too. I don't know, maybe we need real diapers. I don't know how to do this, I'm going to get my parents. You guys try to get him to stop crying while I'm gone, okay?” 

You have no idea what to do, and neither does Sasuke. As Sakura scurries off, the two of you put Kakashi on the ground and stare at him. You pull your eyelids down and stick your tongue out, while Sasuke starts singing a song about how meteors are definitely not going to kill anybody tonight. “What the heck is that?” you ask. 

“I don't know, it's a lullaby? My dad used to sing it to me and my...” His eyes grow stormy, and he shakes his head. “I think he made it up, but it doesn't matter. Maybe it'll get Kakashi-sensei to shut up?”

“Maybe we should call him Kakashi-chan for now. It's kind of weird to call him sensei when he looks like...this.” You poke him in the chest, and he lets out an ear-splitting shriek. You jiggle him on your lap and buzz your lips with your eyes bugged out, hoping to get him to laugh. “How old do you think he is? Like, is he a super baby, or do you think he can talk?”

“Uhh...maybe he can say a couple of words? He looks like he's about a year old, maybe older. I don't really know how to tell with this kind of thing. Uhh...maybe we should find something for him to play with. Do you have anything?” 

“Just some shuriken and kunai. Pretty sure those aren't baby toys.” 

“I don't know, I mean he used to be one of the best ninja ever, right? Maybe he still knows how to use them unconsciously?” Sasuke digs a kunai out of his shorts pockets, and dangles it in front of Kakashi's face. He swipes at it, growling and squeaking, yells, “MINE!” confirming that he can, indeed, speak. Then, for seemingly no reason, he throws himself onto your lap and screams. Your pants are getting drool-stained. 

Sakura stomps over, snatches the kunai from Sasuke and shouts, “what do you think you're doing? This was Naruto's idea, right? It has to be, you wouldn't do something that stupid, would you Sasuke-kun?” She grits her teeth at you, and you protest that it was Sasuke's idea. She doesn't believe you. You sigh, and ask her if she got any diapers. 

“No, but my parents are out shopping for some. They said we should bring Kakashi to my house. They're going to take care of him...we're too young to be responsible for a baby.” 

“I've been responsible for a baby since I was a baby,” you mutter, bitterly recalling yourself as a toddler, left to scream alone for hours and sometimes days. 

“No you haven't!” says Sakura, scooping up Kakashi with one hand cradling his head, and one hand supporting his butt. “My mom says that this is how you're supposed to hold babies. We were doing it wrong before. Come on, let's go to my house.” 

~`~`~

You aren't sure why you're tagging along, since the Harunos seem to have taken over the job. It makes sense to give in and let them be responsible, but you need to know what's going to happen. After all, if Kakashi stays a baby forever, you're minus a teacher and minus a person you like a whole lot. Besides, you like being responsible for things. Even if you aren't allowed to take complete control, you still want to be involved in the process. You've never taken care of a baby before, excluding yourself, and you're interested. Oh, and this involves spending time in Sakura-chan's house, which you always like. 

When you get to the house, Kakashi's screams have tapered off into a dull, persistent whimper. Sakura hands you the baby while she fishes for her keys, and he grinds his warm, sweaty head into your chest. You poke him in the forehead, and he waves his arm at you and says, “bahhhhhh.” You, Sasuke, Sakura, and the baby file in through her narrow doorway. When you get inside, you put Kakashi down on the couch and sit next to him. He kicks at the air and says, “Daaaddddyyy.” There is no daddy and this makes you lip-bitingly sad.

Sakura runs out of the room, and comes back with a ratty, greying towel, which she slides under Kakashi's legs. “I don't want him messing up the couch,” she says. “He's already covered in pee, and he's probably going to poop, too. My mom says that babies poop like fifteen times a day. They're going to be back with diapers soon.” She sits down on the other side of the couch, next to Kakashi's feet, and starts tickling them. He giggles, a spitty grin jackknifing its way across his face. You imagine that you and Sakura are married, and that this baby belongs to the both of you. Then you imagine that you're married to Sasuke. You don't say anything about either of these fantasies, instead you tickle Kakashi's armpits. Sasuke crouches in front of the couch and tickles his stomach. 

“I'm just doing this so that he doesn't cry,” Sasuke snaps. You laugh, Sakura laughs, and the baby just about explodes with laughter. He kicks Sakura in the face, hits you in the face, and leaves Sasuke unscathed. 

The door swings open. “Hello my darling little cherry blossom, I've returned with provisions!” chirps Sakura's father, arms outstretched and lined with plastic bags. Sakura's mother brushes past him, then takes the bags from his arms and dumps them onto the table.

“We got diapers, baby formula, baby food, bottles, bibs, some clothes, a blanket, a stuffed puppy dog, some board books, some blocks, a pacifier, shoes, a stroller...the stroller's outside, could you get that Sakura-chan?” Ms. Haruno takes everything out the bags. You blink, confused by the abundance. You ask if they really need all that stuff. “Of course,” says Ms. Haruno. “We don't know how long he's going to be a baby for. It could be a few hours, but it could be weeks. Unless we figure out what the jutsu was that did this, we have to proceed as if he's going to stay this way for a while. And babies need a lot of things. We might not need the formula, since he looks older than you told us he was. He's probably walking already! Sakura, dear, you need to give us accurate information when we ask you questions!” 

Sakura crosses her arms and snaps, “how am I supposed to know? I've never had a baby!” Ms. Haruno plucks that baby from the couch. Pee turrets down to the floor. After wrestling the flailing child into a diaper and a blue pastel tee shirt with boats on it plus matching pants, Ms. Haruno says that you and Sasuke should go report this to the Hokage. 

~`~`~

So you do. Neither of you are thrilled to be chased out, but you take it harder than Sasuke does. Sasuke is annoyed because he didn't have a chance to try and figure out how this happened, you're upset because being exiled from anywhere is always personal, no matter what the reason. You are used to being unwanted, and you know that Sakura's parents don't quite approve of their daughter being on the same team as you. Mostly though, you're just worried about Kakashi. What must it be like to suddenly be a baby after having been alive for...you don't know how old Kakashi is, but you know he's old. Definitely nowhere close to being a baby. 

The Hokage is talking to Asuma when you arrive. You're glad, because Asuma is one of Kakashi's friends, at least you think he is. Maybe he can help. You get a bad feeling about Sakura's parents. Maybe it's just because of the cold look her mother gave you, but you don't want to leave a baby alone with them, even though you know it isn't likely that they'd actually do anything wrong. You know it's just you. Still, you want to tell Asuma. You walk up to the Hokage's desk and say, “guys, a thing happened that you should probably know about. Somebody did some kind of weird jutsu or something, and Kakashi turned into a baby.” 

Both Asuma and the third Hokage raise their eyebrows in exactly the same way. “He did what now?” says Asuma. “Oh man, I gotta see this. He's a baby? Where is he, who's taking care of him? Please tell me it's not Gai.”

“The Harunos,” says Sasuke. “So, Hokage-sama, this means that he's not going to be able to go on any missions.”

“I assumed as much. I'll take Mebuki off the missions list for now too...although, perhaps her husband would prefer to be the one to stay home. What do you think, Sasuke-kun? Sakura-chan is on your team, so I'm sure you've met her parents...” Sasuke shrugs. Neither of you know Sakura's parents particularly well. You've rarely been invited to Sakura's house, and being around parents in general makes you feel hollow, and you think it does the same to Sasuke. 

“Do we have any idea how this happened?” asks Asuma, scratching his beard. “Did he botch a jutsu, or did you notice anybody out in the bushes? Did one of you guys do it? If you did, you're either incredibly talented or just incredibly talented at screwing up.” 

You try to say that you know Kakashi's hands were forming seals, but Asuma's leaning on the desk laughing, his forehead cradled in the palm of his hand, so you don't. “Okay, let me see him,” he says.

“You know, Asuma-kun, maybe you should be in charge of him instead of the Harunos. I have Mebuki scheduled for a mission, and I don't have you scheduled for anything except training your students...it would be easier for me not to have to reschedule, and anyway you could do with some experience in childcare.” 

“Dad, I've told you a million times, I'm not interested in having kids. Are we going to have this argument in front of a bunch of twelve-year-olds, because I'm not into that.” You shout that you're mature for a twelve-year-old, and Sasuke rolls his eyes and calls you stupid, which you respond to by kicking him in the shins. 

“Now, boys, don't you think you should behave a little more professionally in front of the Hokage?” says the old man, pulling down his triangular hat. You nod, and Sasuke nods, and you both stand straight and silent. “Thank you.” He turns back to Asuma. “It's mostly about scheduling. I'm not trying to pry into your affairs. Just do this for me without complaint, all right?” 

“Yeah Dad, sure.” Asuma rolls his eyes, and you lead him back to Sakura-chan's house.

~`~`~

You explain the situation to the Harunos, and they accept it far more readily than you expected or hoped that they would. You don't understand how people who have been raising a child for twelve years would so easily give up a baby to someone with no experience, even if he is Asuma-sensei. But you let it go. You wanted Asuma to do it anyway. Sakura's dad hands Asuma an armful of baby clothes and baby food, while her mother loads a squirming Kakashi into his stroller. “Thank you so much for doing this Asuma-sama,” she says. “Looking after a twelve-year-old girl is hard enough without adding a baby to the mix.” Sakura shoots her mother a furious glance. “Besides, I'm sure that when he's back to normal, he'll be more comfortable with you than with us.” You nod vigorously. 

“Hey kids,” says Asuma, from behind the unwieldy pile. “You guys want to help me out with the stroller? I don't think I can carry all this stuff on my own.” You take the stroller by the handles and peer down at Kakashi, who has fallen asleep. Drool is collecting in the corner of his mouth. Sakura's mother walks over and wipes it off, then says, 

“You do need to keep an eye on that. If he's drooling, you should clean it...baby skin is really sensitive, if it stays wet he'll end up getting a rash.” 

“Okay, number one, I don't know that his skin is actually that delicate. He was twenty-six years old like an hour ago, it's possible that his skin hasn't really changed. Second of all, I am not going to spend every waking moment wiping drool off a kid. I have enough to deal with with Shikamaru drooling, not to mention Konohamaru's friend who never wipes his damn nose...” Asuma sighs, then wipes away a fresh stream of drool. You laugh openly, while Sakura laughs politely behind her hand. Sasuke doesn't laugh at all, and you wish you hadn't either.

You push the stroller out the door and down the street. You try to make the ride smooth, but you don't succeed, you end up rolling over a rock and jostling him, which means he opens up his pink little mouth and screams. “Hush up your face Kakashi,” you say, roughly ruffling his fluffy-chick hair. Sasuke asks you why he's crying, so you tell her, and she snaps at you not to make him cry. Sakura, who is running out of her house after staying behind to talk to her parents, agrees with Sasuke. You sigh. 

“Guys, babies cry all the time,” says Asuma. “Seriously, when Konohamaru was a kid he literally never shut up. Babies cry because you look at them. Babies cry because a cat walked into the room. Babies cry because the sky is blue. It is literally unavoidable. So don't even worry about it. What we do need to worry about is getting him changed back.” He shoves his hands in his pockets, sighs. You ball your fists and demand that he explain how to do that, accidentally letting go of the stroller for a moment and then quickly grabbing it again. Sakura says that clearly, Asuma-sensei doesn't know, otherwise he'd have said so already. Asuma shrugs and says, “first of all, we should find out whether or not this is some elaborate genjutsu. I'm guessing you guys tried to break it already, but I think we should get Kurenai. She's an expert with this kind of thing.” 

“We don't need a genjutsu expert, I have a sharingan!” Sasuke sighs in exasperation, and you sigh along with him. You know that Asuma-sensei just wants to pass Kakashi off to Kurenai-sensei, and you also don't like Sasuke's talents being ignored. He's your rival, and he wouldn't be your rival if he weren't incredible. 

“Okay, okay,” says Asuma. Kakashi screams angrily and twists like a snake in his stroller, prompting Asuma to pick him up. You walk the whole way back to Asuma's apartment pushing an empty stroller.

~`~`~

Once he's let loose in Asuma's apartment, Kakashi stops crying and toddles over to the windowsill, where he pulls a potted plant to the floor, scattering dirt everywhere. He scoops up a handful of dirt and crams it in his mouth. “Gross!” you yell, grabbing his pudgy hand and prying some of the dirt out. His whole face is smeared with dirt and spit, so you ask Sasuke to grab a wet paper towel. He doesn't know where to find wet paper towels, so he ends up stomping around the kitchen and coming back mad about it. Asuma produces a wet cloth, and wipes Kakashi's blotchy face clean, earning an angry wail. 

“I need to go get Kurenai,” he says, angling his head away from Kakashi, who is attempting to pull on his beard. “I know that Sasuke has a sharingan, but I still need another adult to help me figure this out, okay? No offense, but I'm kind of at a loss for what to do, and I don't think you guys have a clue either.”

“Can't we just wait it out?” asks Sakura, crossing her arms. “Most jutsu that can do this sort of thing are time release anyway, so what's the point in trying out a bunch of counter-jutsu that will just upset the baby? Besides, I'm perfectly capable of finding a counter-jutsu, I don't see why you need Kurenai to help with that.” 

“It's more of a moral support thing...” Asuma sighs. You pick up the potted plant and try to get the dirt back into it. That thing you thought you saw flashes through your mind again, and you decide you're going to talk about it. 

“I think Kakashi-sensei was trying to do a jutsu,” you say. “I definitely saw him do something with his hands. I don't know what he was doing, it went really fast, but maybe he got it wrong and did this by accident?” You look at Sakura with wide eyes and yelp, “you saw it too, right?” even though he knows she didn't see it. 

“Did you see what any of the signs were?” asks Sakura. “Because if you didn't then that information is basically useless.”

“No it's not, it means that we know that he did it to himself, and we don't have to worry about some freaky weirdo who wants to heck with him! Maybe it's even a test or something, like to see if we can figure how how to change him back.” Sasuke nods, and you find yourself grinning so hard it hurts your face. You stop grinning immediately, and look away so Sasuke doesn't see. 

Suddenly, Sakura screams, “Kakashi, NO!” because he's fiddling with a box of matches. You can't light matches even with concentrated effort, so you don't see how Kakashi could light one by accident, but Sakura snatches them away from him, resulting in further shrieks. Asuma sighs, and hands him the stuffed dog they brought from Sakura's house. Hiccuping tearfully, he chews its ear and then moves on to its eyeball. 

“Um, hey, Kakashi-chan, what's that?” you ask. You don't know if he's old enough to know what dogs are, or if he actually remembers everything he knew as an adult, but you think the question will distract him. He stares at you with blank, milky eyes, then takes the spitty ear from his mouth to say, “puppy.” 

“Yeah, that's right, it's a puppy! What do puppies say?”

“Woof.” He makes no effort to sound like a dog, just pronounces the word in high-pitched squeaking. You didn't think this would calm him, but it does, somehow. Maybe it makes sense, after all, adult Kakashi does love dogs. You shrug and ask him if he knows what kitties say, to which he replies “MEOW!” Sakura laughs and asks him about goats. He has no answer to this question, so you laugh at Sakura, push her shoulder and tell her she's getting too complex for him. 

“Yeah, I bet you couldn't even answer that question!” she huffs. But seconds later he's asking Kakashi about ducks and cows. “QUACK!” he shrieks. “MOO!” 

“Smart kid,” says Asuma, scratching his beard. “Anyway guys, there are definitely some reverse-justus we could use to fix this. Kurenai is good at those.” You sigh and roll your eyes, and stick your tongue out at Sasuke, who ignores you. Apparently, Kurenai is good at everything. “One of you kids want to go get her for me? I'd do it myself, but I don't know if I trust the three of you alone with a baby.”

“Of course you can, we're ninja! We're professionals, we can be trusted to do anything. You know we've been on really really hard missions before right, like death missions?” Yeah, he knows, but he still sends Sasuke out to grab her. You sigh again. You don't want Sasuke to leave. You try to smile and be glad that you're practically alone with Sakura-chan, other than the Hokage's son and a baby, but you just really, really don't want Sasuke to leave. You tickle Kakashi under the chin, and ask him what chickens say.

“BUCK BUCK BUCKAW!” he yelps, drool spindling down his soft red neck. You lean down and wipe it off for him.

~`~`~

Kurenai arrives striding in front of Sasuke, who is standing in the doorway crossing his arms. She asks how on earth Kakashi managed to do this to himself, then walks to the kitchen and slides a tupperware into the fridge. “Leftover curry,” she says. “Nothing special, but I thought you could use it. I've been eating curry for like four days already and I'm sick of it. Don't worry though, it's still good.” She dumps her jacket onto a nearby chair, and hangs her keys on a hook by the door. You wonder why she has keys to Asuma's place, but you don't really think about it too hard. 

Sasuke walks past you, then thunks a stack of book onto the table. “We went to the library and picked these up. Hopefully one of them will have some kind of jutsu that will help Kakashi, Kurenai doesn't know anything, unsurprisingly.” 

“Why exactly is that unsurprising?” asks Asuma, lifting an eyebrow. “Kurenai knows plenty of things. She's a brilliant woman. She doesn't happen to know this, because it's obscure and not something she uses on a regular basis, but she knows plenty of jutsu.”

“Yeah, I know, but people don't go around turning into babies constantly, and like you said, she doesn't use it on a regular basis! So I'm not surprised that she doesn't know it!” Sasuke looks mad, so you pat him on the shoulder and get your hand shrugged away instantly. You ask if we're going to have to read all those books. 

“No, we just need to look in the indexes,” says Sakura. Oddly, there's no implied why don't you know how to do research, why are you so stupid? in her tone. Your face feels warm, so you hide it in a half-opened book. Then all of you are sitting at the table paging through the indexes, Kakashi on Sakura's lap trying to tear the pages in half. At first you don't think you're going to find anything, so you waste time eyeballing the cracks on the ceiling, but once you actually force yourself to look you find it pretty fast. 

“This thing called the Transformation Reverse Jutsu will probably work,” you say. “It looks complicated, but I think we can manage it.” Your skin is split with a grin, you are goddamn thrilled that you're the one who found it. You know you're not going to be allowed to actually do it, but your contribution counted. Sakura thanks you. You puff your chest out, cross your arms, and smile.

“I think that one of us should probably do it,” says Sasuke. “I know you think we're tiny stupid babies or whatever, but if this is a test, then we'll fail it if we're not the ones to change him back.” He looks at you, then looks at Sakura. Sighs, blows his cheeks out and says, “I'll do it.” You shout that you'll do it, because it's just as important that Kakashi test you, but Sasuke says you could end up killing him. “Next time,” he says, voice oddly soft. You nod. You put Kakashi on the couch with a pillow under his head. He blows a spit bubble and stares up at you with wide eyes. 

Asuma comes in with a blanket and says, “we'd better get his clothes off and cover him up. If he goes back to normal those baby clothes are going to be shredded. And he'll be...?” You offer the word naked, and everyone nods, except Kakashi, who kicks you in the leg. 

Kakashi resists having his clothes taken off. He wiggles out of Asuma's arms, and screams “NO!” like Asuma is trying to kill him. He doesn't like having a blanket draped over him either, so he pushes it off and tries to roll off the couch. You catch him, put him back under the blanket and sit on top of it, trapping him. Kakashi whimpers and shrieks, and you can tell it's making it harder for Sasuke to concentrate. “Get out of the way!” he says, pushing you to the side. You roll your hands into fists and bare your teeth, but you move over. “I need a clear shot of Kakashi. Is there any way to get him to stop moving?” 

“We could wait for him to fall asleep,” says Kurenai. “He'll probably need a nap soon. Let's put his diaper back on and wait.” 

~`~`~

In the end it's you who sits with Kakashi trying to help him fall asleep. You thought it would be Kurenai or Asuma, since they're adults, or Sasuke or Sakura, since they don't trust you with anything. But Sasuke doesn't want to do it, Sakura says she's not good with babies, and Kurenai and Asuma let you when you ask. You don't know what kind of attention a baby needs, not exactly, but you know what kind you want to give him. You know what kind you wish you'd had. You know that you wanted someone to hold you, that nobody did, and that sitting on the couch with a baby in your arms fills a hole in you. Just a small one, and you know it's going to be empty again soon. But you sit with him, singing songs that aren't lullabies because you don't know any lullabies, and kissing the top of his head. His warm heavy body smells like milk. You wonder if anybody ever noticed the bulk of you, the good baby smell of you, when you were small. You forget, completely, that this is your teacher. 

Eventually, he falls asleep, breathing heavy with his left cheek mushed against your chest. You shift him gently onto the couch, and tuck the blanket around him. He sighs, and you brush his cheek with your knuckle. Sasuke motions for you to move toward him, so you do. Asuma takes his diaper off, keeping it under him just in case he pees in the next two minutes. Sasuke starts forming seals so quick you can hardly see them, and then he shouts, “Transformation Reverse Jutsu!” as he aims them in Kakashi's direction. 

Instantly, there's a flash of light, and in place of the sweet, sleepy baby is a naked, full-grown man with a blank expression on his face. The blanket slips, revealing his chest, but he pulls it up as soon as he realizes he isn't wearing any clothes. The diaper falls off the couch, and onto the floor. You peer in to see his face, but he's pulled the blankets up to cover his nose. Kurenai hands him a shuriken-patterned scarf, which he promptly ties around his face. You pout, but you don't say anything. You're too excited to hear whether or not you passed Kakashi's test. Kakashi blinks, and asks Asuma for clothes. 

“Kakashi-sensei!” you yelp, once he comes back from Asuma's bedroom wearing a sweatpants and a shirt that's too big for him. “Did we pass your test? I know we got help from Asuma and Kurenai but we still totally turned you into an adult again, you know? So we should get credit for that. Um, Sasuke's the one who actually turned you back, but I could have done it, and so could Sakura-chan, we just didn't happen to be the ones who did it. I found the jutsu he used! And we all did a real good job taking care of you when you were a baby!” 

Kakashi stares at you, his face utterly blank, and then he starts laughing nervously. “Ohhhh, right right, the test! I turned myself into a baby so that you could figure out how to change me back! Right, yeah, that's a very common, very traditional test for young genin. Good job kids, you all passed! Congratulations.” He looks at Asuma, eyes wide. “You did this with your kids, right?”

“Oh, yeah. Shikamaru figured out how to do it right away, but he was too lazy to actually do it so they had to wait until Ino figured it out like twenty minutes later. The whole thing got worked out pretty quickly with them. Unlike Kurenai's team, right Kurenai?” He looks at her, grinning with his eyes shut. 

“My team would have figured it out much faster if Kiba didn't decide to take charge of the whole thing,” she says, her arms crossed and her chin pointed in the air. “If he had just listened to Hinata or Shino, I would have been an adult again faster than you were.” 

The three of them are laughing and you don't know why, but whatever, it doesn't matter, what matters is that you passed Kakashi's test, which means you're that much closer to becoming the Hokage. You hold out your hand for high-fives from Sakura and Sasuke, and they don't give them, so you raise your fist in a cheer. “We did it, guys!” you yelp. They smile, reluctantly. 

“You guys should probably head home,” Asuma says. “You've been working pretty hard, you deserve a break. Right Kakashi?” 

Kakashi nods furiously, so the three of you pile out the door into a windy, leaf-swept day. Once outside Sasuke says, “he was lying.”

“What do you mean?” you ask.

“He turned himself into a baby by accident. He's such an idiot. I can't believe someone that stupid is teaching me how to be a ninja.” 

Sakura nods in agreement. “Kakashi-sensei needs to be more careful. His hands move much too quickly when he's doing jutsu. I used to be impressed by that, but now I see that it's just dangerous! What if he'd done something else, like shot a fireball at one of us or turned himself into a rock?” 

You try to defend Kakashi-sensei, mainly because up until this moment you were convinced that he was testing you, but in the end you're all calling him stupid and congratulating yourselves for solving the problem that your idiot teacher caused. In the end, when you remind them that you were the one who found the counter-jutsu, Sakura and Sasuke actually do give you that high-five.


End file.
